


This Little Jakey Went to the Market

by Misshyen



Series: Jensen and Claire:  A Loser's Humorous Love Story [37]
Category: Jake Jensen - Fandom, The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Family Fluff, Fiance jake jensen, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Food Sex, Jake Jensen and his niece, Jake jensen and ofc, Jensen and his niece, Jensen and ofc, The Losers - Freeform, fiance jensen, loving couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:27:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22657783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misshyen/pseuds/Misshyen
Relationships: Jake Jensen & Original Female Character(s), Jake Jensen and Claire (ofc)
Series: Jensen and Claire:  A Loser's Humorous Love Story [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/620515
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	This Little Jakey Went to the Market

“Jacob Jensen!” Claire bellowed in annoyance, her voice muffled from being shoulder deep in the refrigerator, clearing out old opened containers of food and stains Jake left haphazardly during late night or after work binges. She and Hannah, Jake’s young niece, were sitting on the kitchen floor picking through the refrigerator, cleaning out the old and stale food, empty containers as well as old baking soda boxes.

“Yyyyyes lovey.” Jake’s sing song male voice came in from the next room.

“Don’t you lovey me; this fridge is disgusting! I was gone for two weeks. How did the kitchen get so filthy?”

“First of all, I was trying new recipes that turned out just awful, and second, you seem surprised that the kitchen is in this state. Wolfgang Puck, I am not.” Claire shook her head and rolled her eyes as she tossed more rotten vegetables into the garbage. 

“You’re such a piglet!” She shouted back. “And you’re supposed to throw out the old baking soda boxes, you don’t just keep tossing more in!”

“You knew what you were getting into moving in with me!” He called back.

“Claire this one is really bad.” Hannah covered her mouth and nose and gagged, making a face as she held up a bread bag. The contents were greenish blue and fuzzy.

“Okay, that’s it. Throw that out and go wash your hands.” Claire said, frowning at the bag. “Get your shoes on too, we’re going shopping.” She stood up and tossed the moldy bread into the nearest trash bag. “Hope you know you’re growing Penicillin in your fridge, it’s disgusting!” Claire shouted.

“Maybe I want to make my own!” Jake shouted back with an amused snort. “I’m trying to find the antidote!”

“Maybe you can get your ass in here and do this yourself!” Claire snapped back. “Since you’re so full of jokes.”

“I looove youuuuuuu.” Jake peeked into the kitchen at her.

“Yeah yeah.” She grumbled.

Giving up her efforts, she leaned into the fridge again and held the trash bag under the shelves, tossing everything in with a look of distaste. Jake came up behind her and pushed his hips along her rear, grinding along her as he held her waist.

“Don’t you loooove me too?” He chuckled, leaning over her, murmuring in her ear.

“You can’t Jake your way out of this.” She muttered.

His hands ran up along her sides to her breasts. She leaned up and against him, with a hum of contentment. “I’m mad at you, y’know.”

“No you’re not.” He kissed her cheek.

“You’re such a…man.” She muttered.

“Mmhm. I do manly things like leaving socks on the floor.” He kissed her cheek again, his lips moving down to her neck.

“Wet towels all over the bathroom.” She sighed as she moved against him, his familiar bulge poking her in her lower back.

“Would last night be considered a manly thing?” He murmured, turning her around and kissing her, his lips rough on her own.

“Absolutely.” She groaned back, putting her arms around his waist. She pulled away with a reluctant moan and kissed him quickly one more time.

“I’ll even let you do it again if you help clean this pig sty.”

“Well that’s a mood breaker.” Jake said with a pout, adjusting himself.

“Tell you what.” She leaned in to him again. “You help bring in the groceries when we get back and I will see to it that you feel very manly tonight.” She cupped him in her palm as she kissed him one more time.

“Oh you are such a tease.” He grunted into her mouth.

“I know.” She said with a cheeky grin, squeezing him firmly, listening to him take in a sharp breath.

“Just for that I hope you walk around the store wet and wanting all of this.” He gestured along his body with a playful smile.

“Already am and I already do.” She replied.

* * *

Since he was about to go to training for a week so he decided to come along with the girls to spend more time with them. Claire was hesitant because he was a picky eater and an even worse shopper. She chalked it up to being used to junk foods like marshmallow cereals for dinner and frozen pizza rolls for lunch when she had to work overtime.

He told her that in the past he was so used to being called away at a moment’s notice he had kept his kitchen empty. Since she had moved in with him, they turned his bachelor pad into a home and he seemed happy except for when he found fresh veggies and fruit in the house.

“Oh come on with this shit.” He’d sulk as he hacked at the lettuce she’d have him chop for salads.

“It’s good for ya, boy, eat it.” She quoted a famous military character from a sci fi movie as she continued her own food prep.

He had feigned gagging noises until she walked over and swatted his rear playfully as she kissed his cheek offering special dessert for all guys who ate their veggies. He’d immediately resumed chopping with a cheeky grin.

After he pulled the Jeep into a parking space at the store, he turned to her. “You’re not going to do that coupon thing like those crazy people on that show are you?”

“You didn’t have to come, you know. You had all week to do nothing, you could have stayed home while we shopped.”

“And miss all of this?” He took her shopping list from her and frowned at it, “Where are all the cereals I put down.”

“You have training coming up. You’ll get sick if you work out filled up on all of the junk you put on the list.”

“Oh come on.” He griped as they got out of the car.

“Oh come on nothing, Hannah needs decent food too when she’s here and snack cakes and soda is not it.”

He stuck his tongue out at her and was rewarded with a giggle from Hannah. Claire stuck her tongue out back at him as she got out of the car.

They entered the store and she grabbed a cart, Hannah walking close to her chatting about something from school. They passed the fruits and she stopped to look at her list.

“Hannah, can you get some oranges and a bunch of bananas please.” She tore off the produce section of the list, and handed it to the girl who scampered off a few tables away to get the fruits.

Jake watched her for a minute and looked over at Claire.

“Gonna miss me?” He asked, pushing his glasses up his nose and moving up behind her. He held onto the cart, his arms on either side of her, locking her in front of his broad chest and arms.

“Maybe.” She said with a small smile, pretending to be busy with her list.

“Cold, very cold.” He chuckled, the rumble vibrating along her back. “I don’t want to go.” He whined gently. “A week’s too long. How am I going to sleep?”

“I’ll do what some mothers do for their babies and tuck some fabric in my bra and then you can sleep with it and smell me for comfort.”

“Hmm, boob smell. Does it work?”

“I don’t know, I guess so. I have no babies to test the theory.”

“I’d rather have the real thing.” He reached in front of her shirt and started to slide his fingers up under the hemline. His fingers met her flesh and she jumped, shoving his hand away playfully while looking around guiltily.

“Hey now, I told you I have plans for you tonight.” She said, looking back and up to him.

“Such as?”

She leaned up further and kissed his cheek, “You’ll see.”

“You could always just pack a bra in my bag and surprise me.” He offered. “Comfort tits for the travelling man.”

An older lady walked by them and gave Jake a look of distaste. He watched the woman walk by and Claire gave her a wan smile before turning back to him.

“Yeah, and if it falls out by accident, the guys would never live that down.” She laughed.

“Good point.”

Hannah came over with the fruits and other vegetables on the list.

“Nope! No cauliflower and no broccoli. Put them back.” Jake said dramatically, giving the basket a look of distain.

“Hannah don’t listen to him, put them in the cart and thank you.”

“I don’t want vegetables. I like what I normally get.” He said picking up some of the vegetables and putting them on a nearby table. Claire took them back and put them back in the cart.

"Jake, come on. You can't just have frozen peas or corn mixed in mashed potatoes all of the time. You’re so freakin’ picky.”

"Fine, but if I eat it what do I get?"

"If you eat it, I'll…" She leaned up and whispered in his ear. His eyes lit up and he called for Hannah.

“Kiddo! Get another cauliflower!”

“Get some apples too!” Claire called.

She picked through some peppers as Jake watched Hannah trot over with a bag of apples and more veggies.

“No apples. Come on, I’m a man, I need man food.”

“Yeah well, man, you need roughage to go with your junk food.”

Hannah laughed, “That means it’ll help you poop, Uncle Jake. We learned about the digestive system in school.”

“I poop just fine, thank you!”

The same woman from earlier walked by again and gave Jake an even more annoyed look, shaking her head.

“I poop just fine.” He explained to her with a shrug, his voice rising slightly as she hurried off with a frightened look.

Claire and Hannah laughed as Jake turned red.

“Well I do. Claire, look what you’ve done.”

“I didn’t do anything.” She said sweetly.

“You brought Hannah into this.” He pointed at Hannah who kept laughing at him.

“I did not, stop acting like a child so we can finish and get out of here.” Claire scolded gently as she grabbed potatoes.

“I’m not a child.” Jake muttered grabbing at Claire’s rear causing her to yelp and laugh.

* * *

“Which one of you put these Pop Tarts in the cart?” She held up the family sized box of frosted cherry Pop Tarts with an accusing look to both Hannah and Jake.

Hannah gestured to Jake with her thumb, rolling her eyes.

“I figured. I’m putting them back.”

“No, please!” Jake begged.

“No. Training remember?”

"But you like these too" He argued.

"I do, but you need good energy.”

"We could eat pop tarts together.” He pleaded. He hurried around the cart and whispered in her ear. “We could be naked and eating pop tarts together."

"No. Put them back."

“Fine.” He huffed.

“And put the other things you snuck into the cart back too. We both saw you.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side.” He teased, tugging Hannah’s ponytail gently.

“I just want to go home.” She replied, “You’re a bad shopper and I want to watch a movie.”

* * *

They had moved on to the toiletries. Hannah was looking for something for her hair while Claire compared some lotions. Jake had scampered off snickering down the aisle.  
  
“Claire!”

“Yes!”

“I found the condoms we use sometimes! It’s a huge box and it’s on sale!”

“Oh for God’s sake, Jake.” She laughed and watched him run up to the cart and pretend to slam dunk them in.

“Wrap it up kids!”

“Okay, we get it.”

“That didn’t embarrass you?”

“You putting Magnums in the shopping cart? Being careful while we have sex? No, it’s not embarrassing.” She smirked.

“Fine, I’ll try again.”

“At least you found something to keep busy.” She said as she resumed reading the bottle.

A moment later she heard giggling and then a laugh.

“Darling, I found your lady hoo hah soap you use!” He said loudly. “April Rain scent. Your business is gonna be fressshhh.”

“Can you grab me unscented instead? I don’t use April Rain.”

Jake’s smile faded and he stared at her. “That didn’t bother you either??”

“Not at all. But if you want to help, I need you to FIND THE ENEMAS YOU USE! DON’T FORGET THE SUPPOSITORIES FOR GOOD MEASURE! THE DOCTOR SAID THAT THIS IS THAT LAST ATTEMPT BEFORE HE SENDS A SCOPE UP YOUR POOPER!”

A few various chuckles from strangers floated up from nearby and Jake turned red. He looked at Claire who was staring back at him with a raised eye brow, silently daring him to try again in his efforts to embarrass her.

Hannah ran over looking mortified. “You guys, stop it! I can hear you by the hair clips!” 

Claire stood with a hand on her hip facing off with Jake. After a minute he gave a deep exaggerated bow in front of her.

“Touché, my lady.”

“Can we please go now? You guys are embarrassing.” Hannah whined; crossing her arms unimpressed with their banter.

“Yes, we’re done.” Claire said with a grin. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Hey, how come you get this and I have to eat apples?” Jake complained, holding up a pint of chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

She ignored him as they made their way to the cashier.

* * *

At bedtime, after checking in on Hannah for the night and closing up the house, Claire headed to the bedroom.

“Hey. What are you up to?” She peeked in the bedroom where Jake sat reading a manual of some sort. He glanced up and smiled warmly.

“Figuring out how many terabytes I’m going to need for this new system. Why, what’s up.”

She came in the room with her hand behind her back. She shut the door and walked over to him.

“Hannah went to bed a while ago and I figured you might want a snack.”

“Not if it’s fruit.” He said making a face.

“It’s not fruit.” She said handing him the pint of ice cream.

“Ooh!”

“Well you do start training later so I figured you can get your cravings out of your system now.” She undid her robe and took it off, letting it fall to the floor. “All of them.” She sat on the edge of the bed rubbed his thigh suggestively.

“Oh shit!” Jake's mouth dropped open slightly and he quickly scrambled out of bed, stripping quickly and then joining her on the bed with a large grin.

“Wait, you didn’t bring spoons.”

“We don’t need them for what we’re going to do.”

“Seriously? No way.”

“Oh yes.”

“Is this because I ate my cauliflower at dinner?”

“No, you get something else for that. This is just for fun.”

“You think of the best kind of fun.” He said leaning in in to kiss her. She backed away and looked up at him.

“You inspire me.” She took the lid off of the container and dragging her finger through the ice cream, smoothing a little on his lower lip before kissing it off slowly with her lips and tongue.

“Your turn.” She said, laying back looking up at him.

He looked around and pretended to wipe a dramatic tear. “I’m just so happy. It’s like my birthday. I get to eat ice cream off of you.”

“It’s melting.” She reminded him with a laugh, reaching in to the container and tracing a line of it down her stomach. “I’ll start you off.”

“No wait, I have a better idea.” He held the pint, watching her hungrily and then leaned over her, moving up and dragging his eager erection though the chocolate on her skin.

He leaned up and sat back, motioning to his cock as he gave her a raised eyebrow and a half smile.

“Yes sir!” Claire grinned and sat up quickly, lowering her head to his lap.

“I’ll never look at ice cream the same way again.” He said with a ragged breath.


End file.
